Regarding the suicide death of Trans teen Leelah Alcorn, I hope parents learn from this. Stop trying to force gender identity on your children. Just let your children be who they want to be. Often you see the signs of who your children are very early but you don’t want to accept it. Then they tell you, and you still refuse to listen to them, because you think listening to your preacher is more important. You think you can change your children. So you force them to dress a certain way, to speak a certain way, to play with certain toys, avoid certain games, and attend weekly meetings you think will change them.
In a post before her death, Leelah Alcorn wrote the following:
And now for my sorry notes to some people I knew…
Amanda: You are going to have such a wonderful life. You are the most talented and pretty little girl I’ve ever met and I love you so much, Amanda. Please don’t be sad. I’m going to miss you so very much. I love you.
Tiffany: We haven’t talked much recently since we’re both so busy but I’m so happy you’re my sister. You are so courageous and determined to achieve what you want, you can accomplish anything. I love you.
Justin: We’ve been jerks to each other a lot recently but I really do love you. You get on my nerves almost all the time but no matter what a part of me will always love you. Sorry for picking on you so much when we were kids.
Rylan: I’m so sorry I’m never there for you. I love you so much.
Abby: Thank you for dealing with my pathetic problems, all I did was make your life harder and I’m sorry.
Mom and Dad: Fuck you. You can’t just control other people like that. That’s messed up.
I don’t really feel the need to apologize to anyone else… odds are you didn’t give a shit about me and if you do, you did something that made me feel like shit and you don’t deserve an apology.
Also, anyone who says something like “I wish I got to know him better” or “I wish I treated him better” gets a punch in the nose.
What a sad note! And from other news stories, we know the parents had been a terror in Leelah’s life. When will parents learn? When? Is the “when” some time in the near future?
Parents, you need to understand that your controlling methods had not worked for millions of other people who embraced their queer identities, so why do you think it will force your child to conform to your notions of identity? How about changing your own self? How about getting educated about non-conforming identities—the LGBTQ community?
Hearing about LGBTQ people on the TV or in social media doesn’t mean you are educated about the community. When you suspect you have a member of the LGBTQ community in your household, start the process of extensively educating yourself. Believe me, your child will love you more.
But, by the way, where does love factor in your efforts? Have you seriously evaluated the goal of love in your struggle with or against your child’s identity? Is your goal to make your child love you more? Is your goal to make society love your child more? Is your goal to make your God love your child more? Who is defining the role of love in the relationships—you or your child? So, whom is love healing?
If you try to change your children by giving them your brand of religion with the goal of curing them, your children will resent you for many years. Your efforts will destroy both you and your children. How many more suicides do we need to hear about for this point to become clearer?
And after children have graduated your household, they will have to use years to lift a mule off their back, that mule you had put on them. They could have used the time to focus on other things, but you have impeded their growth with your baggage, which you call parental guidance and spiritual intervention. When is parental demonic intervention inseparable from godly spiritual intervention? Because of you, your children have spent a huge part of their life committed to destroying the psychological destruction you did them. How about making a New Year’s resolution to stop terrorizing your children?!