So important to put our needs in the public sometimes even though we operate within a tradition that makes it appear as if seeking help demonstrates our weakness, our poverty, our insufficiency, rather than our deeds from places of power and motivation—to rise: Rise & Claim & Walk dream landscapes. For as the activist Matthew had wisely said, “Ask and it shall be given, Seek and he shall find, Knock and doors shall be opened onto you.”
I really value my history of asking, knocking on public doors, seeking to abandon ole school bandwagons of childhood and teenage years—those bandwagons that played the ole tunes: You aren’t good enough but don’t ask too much (though someone has long ago said “No man is an island, no man stands alone); We aren’t good enough so let’s ride together beneath identity and nation umbrellas because we will end up in a destined inevitable place; So let’s ride on the roadways of nationalism, sexuality, gender, male-power traditions, sophisticated colonial behaving norms, rule abiding body languages, thought conformities; Take the hat off the head like the gentlemen of genteel histories still do in our homes and boardrooms! And Let’s ride!
And I did ride but I rode queerly. For when I look at my life today and I can ask myself: Who am I? and I can answer. I’m bold, I am fire, I am man who used the mirror and queer myself many times; I am nobody, too, weak, shallow, genderless, selfish and selfless, because often I must deconstruct to defragment:
(1) Peel myself naked for in nakedness was I born.
(2) Submerge myself in darkness because with closed eyes in the womb of maternity and postmodernity I was blind.
(3) Strip my thoughts—meditate—and peel away cultural, ideological, and identity clutters.
(4) Chant myself to an imaginary place—because there must be a point: Settle on a Descartian rhythm—“I think; therefore I am.”
Not that I could ever occupy that primordial space without utilizing the gifts of what I already am—but when blood, when bones, when chants, when thoughts conspire and converge that I am there, here, where am I?, in an epistemological space—a self awareness, new genesis, rewritten awareness to mobilize self, purge self, empower selves, historicized awareness of self—I know who I am; because—Who am I?—is many!