Posted on Facebook on October 4th:
Lately, I’ve been moving fast. Too fast. Reading fast. Walking fast. Writing fast. Speaking fast. I need to slow down. I have to slow down. I realized I’ve been exploiting the pool of energy I acquired from living healthier over the last months.
My time away from Facebook allowed me to seriously focus on my career. However, this very break has made me narrowly focused. All that concerned me in the last two weeks seemed to be my schoolwork and how to effectively keep up with my busy schedule. I have been successful at both, but at a cost.
Since September when school started, I have not attended the gym consistently. I go once or twice a week. Then I barely work out. As well, I have been eating Popeye’s chicken every night, and fried chicken for lunch every day, things I never used to do. However, I have kept up with my small-portion servings. I have still been having lots of fruits and vegetables. I have not messed with any processed drinks or processed foods aside from fried chicken and tap water and orange juice the other day when I was getting sick. But the fried-food fancy needs to go.
This morning I got up, it was raining outside. I felt lazy. I felt sad. I haven’t felt seriously sad in about two months. I wondered if I needed sex. I wondered if I needed a relationship. Am I lonely? I wondered. I went through my phone to see whom I could call for sex. I have not had sex with anyone since the early part of August. I hadn’t desired it. I put a profile on a website. Getting laid will make me happier, I thought. But soon, it occurred to me that I was hunting to satisfy a personal problem. I was seeking others to provide my life a temporary solution.
I will still leave my profile on the website. Most of us need to get laid now and again. I can’t go wrong if I get lucky. I however decided I wasn’t going to fix my problem with my penis. I diagnosed my problem. I felt lazy and sad, not because I was tired, not because I was mentally overworked. It was because I abandoned my commitment to the gym.
Revelation forced me out of the bed. I went to Starbucks. I sat down. I knew I should go to the gym. I began to make excuses. I told myself I needed to finish schoolwork. Clearly, school work and writing assignments have been eating up my life. Rather than center me, career goals have also been decentering me. I have not been balanced. My life needs fixing. Immediate fixing.
I talked to a woman in the coffee house about traveling, how getting away freshens people’s lives. She told me she went to Alabama and did some crazy things for summer. With the energy she got from there, she returned to New York and started a healthier life. She began to juice fruits and vegetables.
She looks great. But she admitted that she fell off her healthy schedule in the last few weeks. She yearned to get back on track. I saw the characteristics of my own yearnings within her expressed yearnings. This was a moment of revelation. I gathered the inspirations. I declared Saturdays my health day.
On Saturdays, I will remind my body to remember its health commitments for a week. I will use Saturdays to clean my house. A clean house, rid of clutters, influences mood and peacefulness. I will wash my clothes, slowly oil my scalp, meditatively scrub the soles of my feet, take a bath, and massage body sometimes. Saturdays will be the day to shop for health foods, stock up the refrigerator—a day to cook, pack a whole week’s food in containers. Saturdays will be the day that supervises my other days. My Saturday will begin tomorrow, Sunday, and return next Saturday.
My friends, we will be strong. We will take care of ourselves. We won’t allow career desires to murder us. Time out. Time out. Time out so we can clock in healthier habits.