Even Love Has to be Negotiated

I’m a high-energy person, passionate in speaking, passionate in loving, passionate in fighting, and passionate in praising others. But I’ve been learning, I need to be more selective of who I praise and how often I praise them. I realize that some people do not know how to receive praises. They take it to mean you giving them authority over you to counsel you, to see your faults, and to take the job of correcting you.

You notice this when the relationship becomes one where you continuously praise them, and increasingly they take the role of being your advisor when you never asked them to. If you flip the table and advise them on anything, you notice their quick rejection of your advice, or their silence.

Your praises and tolerance of their counsel have created a relationship where they do not value you as equal. Things must change therefore. I have to train myself to hold back praises, to more carefully and consciously distribute them when needs be.

It’s messed up that life forces me to hold back simple things like showing love; but life is about negotiating behaviors, and so even the way in which love is shown has to be negotiated.

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